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Old 14 Apr 2009, 00:43
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ZomgStuff ZomgStuff is offline
 
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Anyone like editing English papers?

So currently I am a freshman at Iowa State University. For an English assignment we have to write about a communication problem in today's world. I decided to pick the subject of Fox New's slogan "Fair & Balanced."


Obviously this will be biased towards one end. This is just a rough draft that I pieced together earlier today in ~2 hours. Please make any suggestions for the paper, or let me know what I'm doing well and what I'm not doing so well. I know the citations are missing and I shall add that later. I could really use some constructive criticism. Thanks!


http://hoff.zomgstuff.net/Private_School/FoxNewsD2.docx
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  #2  
Old 14 Apr 2009, 04:09
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kevcj kevcj is offline
 
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Real name: Kevin
First paragraph, second sentence, shouldn't "today’s" be "todays" - without the '. "Today's" is a contraction of "today is". But, when writing a professional paper, the author should never use contractions or abbreviations. So even is "today's" is correct, spell it out - "today is".

"Mark Twain’s quote" - once again, is the "s" and the ' correct? Shouldn't it be "Mark Twains' quote is especially" with the ' after the s to show ownership.

Besides that, I do not see where the paper follows the typical 5 paragraph college essay layout.

First paragraph - opening and introduction - briefly touch on the topics of the essay and a closing sentence for the opening paragraph.

Second paragraph - first topic discussed in detail

Third paragraph - second topic discussed in detail

Fourth paragraph - third topic discussed in detail

Fifth paragraph - closing.

------------- Back to the corrections -----------

Second paragraph - "work the ref." In a professional letter or essay, do not use contractions.

Try not to use the same word twice in the same sentence. In this example you have used the word "and" 3 times.
Fox News indulged themselves in the game of mudslinging, digging up Obama’s past, and manipulating and exploiting his every action, decision, and lifestyle.
In this example, you have used the word "attacked" 3 times. Rewrite the sentence so that "attacked" is used no more then twice, but preferably only once.
Obama's family has been attacked, his pastor has been attacked, and everyone he has ever vaguely known has been attacked.
Example - Obama's family, his pastor and everyone he has ever known have been attacked. The last "has" (known has been attacked) was replaced with a "have" to do away with duplicate words.

Overall, your essay is 5 pages of loosely disorganized content.

Get all of the sentences on religion and put them into one paragraph.

Get all of the sentences on terrorism and put them into one paragraph.

Go back to the opening paragraph and point out the topics that will be discussed in the essay.
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Last edited by kevcj; 14 Apr 2009 at 04:17.
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  #3  
Old 17 Apr 2009, 03:29
unenergizer unenergizer is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Texas, YE HAW
Real name: Andrew Brown
Originally Posted by kevcj View Post
First paragraph, second sentence, shouldn't "today’s" be "todays" - without the '. "Today's" is a contraction of "today is". But, when writing a professional paper, the author should never use contractions or abbreviations. So even is "today's" is correct, spell it out - "today is".

"Mark Twain’s quote" - once again, is the "s" and the ' correct? Shouldn't it be "Mark Twains' quote is especially" with the ' after the s to show ownership.

Besides that, I do not see where the paper follows the typical 5 paragraph college essay layout.

First paragraph - opening and introduction - briefly touch on the topics of the essay and a closing sentence for the opening paragraph.

Second paragraph - first topic discussed in detail

Third paragraph - second topic discussed in detail

Fourth paragraph - third topic discussed in detail

Fifth paragraph - closing.

------------- Back to the corrections -----------

Second paragraph - "work the ref." In a professional letter or essay, do not use contractions.

Try not to use the same word twice in the same sentence. In this example you have used the word "and" 3 times.


In this example, you have used the word "attacked" 3 times. Rewrite the sentence so that "attacked" is used no more then twice, but preferably only once.


Example - Obama's family, his pastor and everyone he has ever known have been attacked. The last "has" (known has been attacked) was replaced with a "have" to do away with duplicate words.

Overall, your essay is 5 pages of loosely disorganized content.

Get all of the sentences on religion and put them into one paragraph.

Get all of the sentences on terrorism and put them into one paragraph.

Go back to the opening paragraph and point out the topics that will be discussed in the essay.
See I knew people from Texas were edjucated like myslef.

CHEA

HEYAW - South East Texas BABY
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  #4  
Old 17 Apr 2009, 14:49
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kevcj kevcj is offline
 
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Real name: Kevin
Originally Posted by unenergizer View Post
See I knew people from Texas were edjucated like myslef.

CHEA

HEYAW - South East Texas BABY
What part of South East Texas?

I'am from Bridge City but currently live in Jasper.
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  #5  
Old 17 Apr 2009, 17:16
unenergizer unenergizer is offline
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Texas, YE HAW
Real name: Andrew Brown
Originally Posted by kevcj View Post
What part of South East Texas?

I'am from Bridge City but currently live in Jasper.
sour lake, aprox 15 mins away from bmt. down good ol 105
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  #6  
Old 17 Apr 2009, 17:36
nexialys
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i was to say the same, but i have no idea where he is located... too dark in here


oh, btw, i'm like 5000 miles from you, no fear haey
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